This absurdist solo show follows Teodora, a young novitiate in a 17th-century Moldovan convent who wants to become a saint for the fame and glamor of it. Teodora’s path is blocked by Gheorghe, her bro-y betrothed, a romance with shepherdess Iosefina, and an impending Ottoman invasion.
$11 / 65 minutes
One year ago I went for a run, and I stopped in the middle of the road because I had a thought: what if I wrote a comedy about a girl who wants to be a Saint, not for the holiness, but for the fame? I’m Romanian, what if I set this in Romania in the 17th century, a time when Saints were actual celebrities? And what if I played all the characters? And get out of the road Diana, a car is about to hit you.
One year later, I’ve researched and found one of the few women Russian Orthodox saints, Sfânta Teodora de la Sihla. The historical Teodora did live in the town of Varzaresti, ran to the woods to escape an Ottoman attack on her convent, and became a saint. I wrote my version of Teodora de la Sihla, with Romanian swear words, larger than life characters, and a lot of gay shit. My Teodora is a petty brat at the beginning of the play, and it’s only with the help (and criticism) of the other characters that she can stand a chance at being a Saint.
I turned in “Sfânta (Holy One)” as my thesis project, performed it many times at Wellesley College, graduated, performed it at the Minnesota Fringe, and now I’m ready to unveil Teodora’s journey to Philadelphia. So here you are Philly, I hope you enjoy the show!
TEODORA MOLDOVEANU – 14. Has wanted to be a Saint since she can remember, but mostly for the fame.
SORA PAISIA – 32. Mother Superior, in charge of the convent and worried about feeding everyone.
ANDREEA POP – 15. New to the convent from Iasi, Moldova’s capital. Cool and rich.
IOSEFINA – 16. Laysister, tends the sheep. Mute.
CRISTINA MOLDOVEANU – 25. Teodora’s sister. Very pregnant. Married to Vlad.
ADRIAN MOLDOVEANU – 45. Teodora and Cristina’s father. Loves drinking. And Vlad.
GHEORGHE – 18. Vlad’s brother and Teodora’s betrothed. Quintessential 17th century fuckboy.
Romanian Swear Words
Întinde-mi-as chilotii pe crucea ma-tii – I’ll hang my underwear on your mother’s cross
Futa-te-ar Sfintii pâna apari în Noul Testament – I hope the Saints fuck you until you come up in the New Testament
Rahat cu ochi – Shit with eyes
Curva – Whore
Pizda ma-tii – Your mother’s vagina (actually the c word)