Today, meet an actor from Iron Age Theatre’s Christie in Love. The show’s production blog bears tags including dirty, funny, howard brenton, limerick, love, murderer, reginald christie, serial killer, sex. When you think about it, we do this theater thing for the children.

Name: Adam Altman.

Age: 29.

What was the first thing you stole? A piece of bubble gum from a big open bin at a video store that was at my eye level when I was 5, I had no idea they weren’t free, and I was horrified when I was made to apologize to Maria, the owner.

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? That’s really not a fair question, so here’s three answers: beer (strong and malty), Irish whiskey, mead.

What was the last performance you saw? JERUSALEM by Jez Butterworth.

If you were a “Founding Father,” which one would you be and why? Thomas Paine, because I am him on a fairly regular basis. Book a performance of the one man show CITIZEN PAINE by Bill Hollenbach! But then, I’m a descendant of Benjamin Rush, so maybe I’d be him.

Who’s your least favorite Founder? GEORGE WASHINGTON!!!! Classist, racist, slave owning, upwardly mobile, cheating, Whiskey Rebellion squelching piece of filth!

Do you care about the Civil War Sesquicentennial? Not really.

What’s the worst thing you ever did for money? Theme park entertainment.

Who’s your favorite Phillies player? I have no idea who any of the Phillies are, and I don’t care.

What’s your least favorite country? The USA, because it’s the one that causes me the most emotional and spiritual stress. The idea of its formation was glorious, in reality it’s a debt-slave state and freedom, liberty, and justice are just buzz words used by pirates and slavers to herd the cattle.

Do you know what the Internet is? I know what They want us to think it is.

Do you own a gun? If so, have you fired it in anger? My wife won’t let me buy a gun, but I have fired many, mostly in joy.

What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever seen on SEPTA? The floor around my feet, St. Paddy’s Day 2010.

Iron Age Theatre’s Christie in Love runs at Eastern State Penitentiary, 2027 Fairmount Avenue, Philadelphia, and The Centre Theater, 208 Dekalb Street, Norristown. Dates, times, and location vary; $15.

–Nicholas Gilewicz