A playwright against the idea that to make it is only to make it in New York City, Jacqueline Goldfinger is committed to Philly as the playwright-in-residence at Azuka Theatre Company and a senior lecturer in theater at the University of the Arts. Her work RAW STITCH will be performed at the 2012 Philly Fringe, and with characters such as Miss Coitus Interruptus and Sula Lee, the thoughtful slut, it makes sense that the piece’s target audience is “the enthusiastically inebriated and the sexually active.” We asked Jacqueline to answer our questions, and she did them—she did them hard.

Miss Coitus Interruptus as played by Amanda Schoonover.

Name: Jacqueline Goldfinger.

Age: 34.

Where were you born?
Tallahassee, Florida.

Show Title: RAW STITCH.

Explain your performance in 2 sentences. To an 8-year-old:
You can’t come to the show. And it’s not because you are annoying, it’s because your mom will kill me if I scar you for life.

Do you have children? If so, do you love them?
Yes. And most of the time.

What was your favorite toy as a kid?
Daisy Duke three-wheeler.

What do you love (or hate) most about Philadelphia audiences?
Love their willingness to get dirty—intellectually or otherwise. If you haven’t made it in a corner at Quig’s Pub, you’re not really into theater in Philly.

What would you do if you just inherited a pizzeria?
Get really fat.

Marvel Comics, or DC?
DC but, specifically, Vertigo.

What’s your favorite nickname for Philadelphia?
The last place we ever moved.

What’s the worst piece of advice you ever received? Did you follow it?
“You don’t need lube for anal sex.” No comment.

What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever seen on SEPTA?
Not disgusting but odd. A man carrying a live chicken and talking to it like it’s his child.

A doctor puts a scope inside your ear. What does she see?
Another doctor putting another scope inside the ear of a mini-me and she sees another doctor putting another scope inside the ear of a mini-me and she sees…

Do you have relatives more famous than you?
Yes. My husband is the clarinetist for the West Philadelphia Orchestra.

RAW STITCH runs September 8, 14, 15, 20 and 22 at Quig’s Pub at Plays & Players Theatre, 1714 Delancey Place, 3rd Floor. All shows 7:00 pm, $12.

–Audrey McGlinchy