FringeArts Flash Debates
This Saturday, April 9, Team Sunshine Performance Corp and Jacob Winterstein are convening The Society of Civil Discourse at FringeArts. All are welcome to join the Society and get in on the fun of hating on, loving, philosophizing about, and debating things that don’t matter. This night is about bullshitting your way to the top. In order to warm up our argumentative sides we decided to have a brief series of lightning debates with members of our staff on a handful of highly contested trivialities: baby carrots, winking, and hoverboards. Below, you’ll find their cases for or against their topic. Though these may not be their true opinions on these hot button issues, it’s clear they’ll be ready to square off against anyone looking to argue come Saturday night. Will you be ready?
Debate #1:
Winking
Pro: Dan, Marketing Director
Winking is a primary form of human communication and we should no sooner oppose it than other more questionable forms, like G-chatting with the coworker beside you or YouTube comments. As humans we are from time to time reminded of the acute inadequacy of words to express true meaning. Under emotion’s influence—love, disgust, surprise, fear—our faces say more and say it better than whatever clumsy collection of syllables we could possibly muster. In addition, the adaptation of the wink into popular emoticons and emojis is evidence that, as technology replaces human interaction with a digital screen, the wink is needed now more than ever.
Against: Meg, Venue and Patron Services Director
Winking: Secretive, inconclusive, cheeky. What does a wink even mean? Are you flirting? Are you suggesting an inside joke? Are you inferring that there is an unspoken agreement between us? Maybe you’re just somebody that winks a lot and there is no actual message. Either way, winking is a vague and inconsistent form of nonverbal communication. 99.9% of winking results in unclear messaging. Furthermore, it cannot ever be universally embraced, as a wide and diverse segment of the human population (up to 12%!) does not have the facial muscular capabilities to wink. It’s blinking or nothing—no one eye isolation. For that reason, winking is an exclusive nonverbal communicator, and imperfect. If a wink requires a returned wink in order to complete the exchange, there is a nearly 1 in 10 possibility that the recipient of the initial wink simply cannot return said wink. For this reason, I strongly argue against winking.
Debate #2:
Baby Carrots
Pro: Constance, Marketing Intern
Here’s the problem. When you want a snack, you want to be healthy, but there’s always things like chips and cookies that get in the way. That’s why there’s baby carrots. They’re nature’s chips. You get that same satisfying crunch but without the trouble of washing all that cheese dust off your fingers. They’re simple, they’re cheap, and they’re easy to carry around, unlike their full-sized carrot parents with that annoying tuft of inedible greenery on top. And, if people see you choosing that healthy snack option, it’s so much easier to trick people into thinking you have your shit together. When everything else in your life looks like it’s falling apart, at least you’ll have a win if you choose baby carrots.
Against: Anna, Marketing Coordinator
A startling fact: There’s no such thing as a baby carrot. Baby carrots are created by the plastic surgery of ADULT carrots that were JUST FINE. Baby Carrots are the status quo and the fetishization of youth vegetableified. Baby carrots represent everything wrong with society. Instead of dipping normal, healthy, curvy carrots that are beautiful just the way they are we strip them down and cut them shorter so they all look the same. Not everything is easy to hold, chew, or fit in a snack sized Ziplock bag and that’s OK. We should be empowering our carrots and ourselves to be diverse not homogenous and slimy.
Debate #3:
Hoverboards
Pro: Mel, Associate Production Manager
Wanna get from point A to point B without walking, biking, or driving? Wanna get outside more? Wanna use a segway but have too much self-respect to actually use one? Do you want the future to be now? Hoverboards are your answer. They’re quick and cool and emissions free. They’re tricky to master but that only adds to their allure. Balance is sexy. Be sexy. Hoverboards are the transport of the future but you can hover by in style now.
Against: Meredith, Company Manager
First of all, hoverboards do not, in fact, hover. Their very name is a lie. They are simply a marketing ploy that plays on the Back to the Future nostalgia of today’s buying generation.
Secondly, they are dangerous. They are heavily marketed as a toy, and were the hot item for Christmas in 2015, but they have zero safety precautions or regulations applied to them. Countless injuries have been reported and doctors from Jefferson Hospital have issued statements expressing their concern. Emergency rooms, urgent care centers and specialists are reportedly overloaded with people suffering from injuries after falling off hoverboards.
Beyond simple falls, they have also EXPLODED, literally. Through a fault in the design of the lithium batteries of many hoverboards, the batteries can ignite. This has caused house fires and burned users. I don’t think that was the kind of thrill that parents had in mind for new toys.
Join the debate yourself Saturday, April 9th at FringeArts. Click here to get a price break on advance tickets.
